Lets recap what we (the people) think about the stuff from the title. We think that (almost) anything sexual can be negotiated beforehand, which includes getting inebriated. We also think negotiating should not be done while under (especially under heavy) influence, although all this gets easier when you know each other well.
We also do not think we should engage sexually with people that do not really seem sober, and err on the side of caution.
Why? Because mind-altering substances can change people decisions so they could do things they regret afterwards. Sometimes regret very strongly. And all this avoids lots of drama and hurt, whereas – or so we think – the price to pay is not very big, especially since we, um, like talking openly and honestly about sexual desires (wow, that was hard to write with straight face…).
Note, that i am not talking about being totally stoned. That is something else entirely, rape stuff (unless negotiated, as in first paragraph) and all.
Onwards. We also think that this applies doubly to things like play parties. Perhaps not inherently, but it (usually?) is a situation with a lot of new people (new in sexual sense), when there is not much time to keep attention to everyone else (all these bodies), and the potential for people not being sure how they exactly find themselves in the situation is higher than usual. So, to minimize risks of something bad, no mind-altering substances at play parties, right? Right.
And it is all shit. Well, for me, at least. See, i am pretty hung up dude. Be it temperament or overblown superego (both, likely), i tend to think a lot. No, i tend to overthink a lot. And it comes very easy to me to inhibit my playful/desirous side. I have something called proces hamowania in the upper reaches of stratosphere. The end effect is obvious, i end up analyzing stuff and get a bit (really big bit) anxious about, well, everything. And the worst thing is that is actually not me. Its all the stupid things i learned or i worry about – if someone would ask me at the moment, i would be pretty sure in asnwering that, yeah, i want that. And the answer would stay the same afterwards. Seriously, of all the bad sex i had in my life (a lot) a miniscule (zero, perhaps) amount happened when i was just getting to know the person. Especially if i was drunk. Yeah, especially! Because, you know, i can actually do stuff against myself for all the wrong reasons like guilt or sense of duty (to social norms i guess, because otherwise fuck me if i know) and not because i might be doing something too forward… despite what it might seem here, i am not shy, and rarely lack the sense of agency.
Thus, while i could answer and confirm that i want this and that, it would be intellectual confirmation, the desire and connection to body long being subsumed under avalanche of thoughts. And here is the connection – what does alcohol do to humans, me included? It inhibits upper cognitive functions (aka thinking) and disinhibits. Exactly the thing that makes me more myself and less of some bloody android-like… thing.
The conclusion? None. I still think we are right in thinking the things i wrote in the beginning. I do not actually thing i should be given a special free drinking pass at play parties, because it obviously applies there (oh, all this is what i realized after the play party that is still in Vegas, so to say). I will obviously keep having sex while drunk, especially first times, and i hope my (potential) partners will not mind that. And keep advicing others to avoid doing exactly that (oh, the hypocrisy…).
Still, i hope someday there will be other way.